Too “White”, too “Black”!
“Little Limbo”
As a kid, I believed I was born as a curse.
Not just because of who I was, but because of what I represented.
I was the living, breathing product of two proud bloodlines with a bloody history.
Indigenous. British.
Two worlds that were never meant to mix.
Oil and water. Fire and river.
Like many kids with mixed heritage, I grew up in limbo.
Too Black for the White kids.
Too White for the Black kids.
Never enough of either world to truly belong.
People today call this “white passing.”
But “white passing” doesn’t mean the racism skips you.
It means you hear what people say when they think you’re one of them.
I heard the remarks.
The stereotypes.
The names.
It hurt so badly because every time someone said those things,
I didn’t just think about myself.
I thought about my Nan.
A beautiful woman whose mother was stolen.
A woman who carried so much pain and trauma, yet so much dignity.
None of the stereotypes reflected who we were.
Those years carved something into me.
Heavy shame for who I was and the question:
Where do I belong?
It was this inner question that brewed for another 20 years, to get me to this point.
Towards A Grave
On the 16th of June 2024, one year after my grandfather took his own life,
I drove out west toward my family’s graves.
The wind was on my face.
The sun was on my skin.
And for the first time in my life, after decades of internal conflict, something very important finally became clear.
I felt my grandfather speak to me.
He said: “You weren’t born as a curse.
You weren’t born as a mistake between two bloodlines.
You were born as a bridge”.
In that moment, I remembered who I was.
Rest In Peace, my Poppy.
A bridge between the divide
Being made from both sides gave me something rare.
Eyes that can see both perspectives.
Ears that can hear where both sides’ concerns truly lie.
A heart shaped by two cultures, able to feel their differences without fear.
And a voice that can translate, articulate, and mediate between the two.
My identity is not limbo.
It is a pathway.
A third option.
A meeting place where both sides can walk together without guilt, blame, or shame.
In that moment, I realised why I am here.
Not to carry the conflict of the past.
Not to repeat it.
But to break it.
My purpose is to become the mediator my future children will never have to wish for.
To make sure they grow up in a world where they never question whether they belong.
Where they never feel “too white” or “too black.”
Where they never feel they have to choose a side.
Where they never have to defend themselves or their Cultures.
Where they never have to walk on eggshells around others due to ignorance and racism.
Where they never have to bear the pain of the past being repeated, in a time full of information.
This is the heartbeat behind YourOnlineBrother.
This is why I do what I do.
